Isaac Allin sees people on their worst day as a firefighter, then goes home to six kids, tree work and rope access. In part two of our chat, Sherie asks how he carries the heavy days and what he'd say to anyone in the industry who is doing it alone.
Sherie: The job can get very heavy, and you wear so many hats. How do you deal with the mental load and the stress that comes with that?
Isaac: I joked about it earlier, but the amazing thing I have is a spouse who also works in the emergency service world. I think it would be a lot harder if I couldn't come home and talk to her about it.
She can tell when I've had a harder day, a harder shift, or something heavy has happened. You joke back and forth, but you also know each other well enough to recognise the signs when something's bothering the other. Then you can have those conversations and work through it together. Then you make the jokes again, and you're good again.
Sherie: Mental health is really hard to talk about. We get a lot of messages from people reaching out who just want to talk to someone. Like you said, community is everything. What's something you do to keep it all in balance?
Isaac: I think it's easier to type something out, so people are inclined to do things virtually. You can process your thoughts and make it a bit more linear.
My take is that's what a journal is for. Write it down. Process your own thoughts. I probably have a whole shelf full of journals, because I write stuff down almost every day, just processing things.
But interaction with another person is really important when it's organic, authentic and raw. If it's too regimented or too logical, it loses that effect. It can't be perfectly written and in order. It needs to be genuine.
The other thing with mental health is I think it's actually helpful and healthy to have multiple hats. My wife and I have six kids. When I'm at home it's the dad hat, and I have a responsibility and an obligation to them. If my wife's working a shift, it's me with the kids.
I used to joke and call it Daddy Daycare, but it's not really like that anymore. It used to be that I was just there to look after them. I have a very different relationship with them now, because I've become more intentional about making sure I'm present.
Then when I'm doing rope work, I'm wearing a different hat, and at the fire service another one. I think taking those hats on and off is healthy. If you only have the fire service or the emergency world and you have a hard day, you almost end up dwelling on it. There's nothing else you have to go and do, nothing else that requires your attention.
It's not always a good thing, but the military does a very good job of teaching you to compartmentalise. You're in this box, you do what you need to do here, and you don't worry about anything else. Then you're in the next box. It's the same with the hats. When I come home I have an obligation to my kids, so I make sure that's happening and I'm not getting stuck on something.
In the fire service we normally have a CISM team as well, a critical incident stress management team. If you have a hard call, they're going to ask how you're doing, and we'll normally debrief with the crew afterwards. Then it's nice to have that extra level when I come home. I can chat with my wife, we can figure it out, and then we can move on.
Isaac: You want somebody who's just going to listen. They're there to listen and help, not provide fixes. Try to experience life from their perspective.
My wife has a really good picture for this. There are organisations here that run Walk a Mile in Her Shoes, where you raise money by walking a mile in high heels, and that's great. But take that to a mental health perspective, and walking a mile in someone's shoes doesn't necessarily work. It's still me in their shoes. It's my experiences, my life, where I'm at.
I almost have to walk behind them in their shoes. You're trying to see what they're going through and what they're actually wrestling with. Until you can see it from their perspective, you'll never really understand, and it will come across like you're trying to fix the problem.
Just listen, be a sounding board and be affirming. "Man, that really sucks. I'm really sorry it feels that way for you." The worst thing you can do for somebody wrestling with mental health is to not affirm their feelings. If you make their feelings seem untrue, they start questioning their own feelings, their own thoughts and everything else. That makes it that much worse.
Sherie: Not everyone has that support network at home. What advice would you give about resilience and mental wellbeing, on and off the job?
Isaac: I'm a pretty logical person, and thinking logically about it, you're moving on to the next thing. If I don't have other stuff to do, that's when it's harder. If I'm sitting there with nothing to do and no goals.
When you're wrestling with mental health, it can tend to become quite self-focused. You're dealing with something and processing something. So you surround yourself with a supportive community, but that community is also holding you accountable. They help you take down the mirror, so you're not just looking at yourself, and you remember there are other people affected too.
If you're focused only on yourself and your own feelings, you can very quickly neglect the people who rely on you. If I'm wrestling with something, I don't discredit my feelings. But I have a responsibility and an obligation to my wife and my kids so that what I'm going through doesn't land on them. That's where accountability and self-discipline come into play.
It's really important to have a support system around you that's willing to listen and to feel what you're feeling but not validate those feelings.
They feel what you're feeling and what you're going through, but they don't allow you to stay there. They have an obligation to help you shake off some of those feelings and say, "No, some of those feelings are not true." They're listening, and they're feeling it with you, but they're not letting you stay there and spiral.
Then they challenge you to choose the harder thing: process it, deal with it, then move forward. Look at the other things you're responsible for and have an obligation to, so you can focus on those as well. Mental health and anxiety can be very selfish in nature.
There's something about that selfishness that's needed and is healthy. But it can get to a point where it's not constructive. It's destructive, even to yourself as a person. So the community you find listens but doesn't necessarily validate.
It's hard for me to put myself in the situation of a single person, or somebody who lives at home with their parents, or someone whose spouse works and they come home to an empty house. I think that would be difficult.
The most important thing is to have a community – people around you that you can reach out to who understand. The biggest mistake a lot of people make is they try to fix it. "You're having this problem, and this is how you fix it." You don't want answers. You don't want solutions or fixes. You just want somebody to hear you and to feel like you've been heard.
I get that from my spouse, and I'm super fortunate that way. If you don't have that, my advice is to find a community. Find your people.
Stay tuned for part three: Isaac on his Reecoil journey and where he feels the industry is heading
